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[godcomplexed]

Hello there! Now quickly, I'm bored, tell me what's going on.

Comments

Movie Night

[crusthatecean]

[So Karkat has gotten his husktop rigged up to play on the TV don't ask me how he just did. It's the middle of the night and he's taking over the living room to watch some sort of shitty troll movie.]

Re: Movie Night

[godcomplexed]

[The Doctor is exiting the garage to grab a midnight snack. Tonight was one of those nights where sleep, despite being tired, wasn't something he felt like doing.

As he enters the kitchen, he hears a noise in the living room. Abandoning plans to raid the fridge, he enters and sees Karkat.]

What's all this?

[crusthatecean]

Shhh.

[He picks up the remote and pauses it; it's just the opening credits (it freezes on a title shot that takes up the entire screen in Alternian writing)]

What. Did you need something? Because I'm watching this.

[godcomplexed]

No, I don't need anything at all. It's more what you need. Which is sleep. Hence why most people are asleep right now.

[He gestures upstairs, indicating Gamzee and Jade.]

[crusthatecean]

I know. Some of them are asleep in my respite block so I can't watch my movie there.

I don't need you to try and lusus me, you suck at it. Also, we're supposed to be nocturnal so it's more like everyone else shouldn't be asleep right now.

[godcomplexed]

How terrible. Surprise bedmates are always so terrible.

And thankfully, I don't plan on doing any sort of "lusus"ing. Far too late for that.

[climbing over the back of the couch and plopping onto it.]

[crusthatecean]

Shut up, stop trying to...

[He trails off because he doesn't even know what the Doctor is trying to do. He doesn't think he has any opinion on surprise bedmates. It's like he's trying to make conversation or something.]

I don't care if you're staying here, I'm watching this.

[godcomplexed]

I have no idea what "this" is. I really don't watch much telly that's not from earth. Or films either.

[Getting comfortable, pulling a blanket around himself and setting what he got from the fridge onto the table.]

[crusthatecean]

It's not 'telly,' it's a movie. And it makes earth television and movies look like a dried up flaky turd.

[...Pressing play. Looks like it's troll Hitch!]

[godcomplexed]

That's a telly. And you're playing a film.

[The Doctor wraps his arms around his knees, watching curiously. There's something a bit familiar about this...]

[crusthatecean]

Whatever you want to call it, I don't care.

[Oh look, it's troll Will Smith! He's monologing about how no troll wakes up thinking they don't want to get saved from culling at the hands of the imperial drones today. Look at him, helping a hapless troll viciously murder an alluring highblood's barkbeast to win her black attentions.]

[godcomplexed]

...what exactly is this film about?

[And why is Agent J a troll...]

[crusthatecean]

[...Pausing, because who could miss a second of this thrilling action.]

He basically just explained the plot!

But okay, fine. It's about this guy named Hitch, and he's a rom expert, he knows everything about rom. So he goes around helping hapless losers get their quadrants filled before the drones come. I mean, not all the way to declaring quadrants, he's not an asshole, but he just helps them make a connection. He's so good he's even going to set up this bumbling fudgeblood up for a caliginous fling with this beautiful vicious seadweller that you'd think is like, way out of his league.

But the twist is, he had his bloodpusher smashed when his own matesprit left him, and now he's trying to seduce Eva Mendes in that quadrant, but he is awful at it when it's him. Also, Eva Mendes doesn't believe in love either, her job is to report fraudulent quadrant pair-ups for culling, so there's a lot of suspense there, too. Will Hitch ever find love or will they all die at the end? Watch and find out.

[godcomplexed]

...

[Tries to pay attention! Really! But he's talking about trollmance which is like romance, but weirder. And not a fun weird because there's lots of girls involved and very little flirting.

So he's just going to blow his nose and look like he's listening.]

So Agent J, er, Hitch is...

I mean.

Aren't there any explosions in this film?

[crusthatecean]

Oh my god.

If you're talking about that awful movie where Will Smith lands on a planet of helpless mammals and infiltrates and subjugates them all, just get out. This is quality cinema, there's only one explosion and it's accidental when Will Smith hilariously almost murders his date and nearly convinces her he's trying to flip quadrants.

[godcomplexed]

No.

I'm talking about the extremely exciting, brilliant, charming its human imagination film: Men in Black. Where Will Smith is a cool agent who helps protect the earth from aliens.

...Not real ones, mind. But the ones humans think exist are hilarious.

[crusthatecean]

Sounds like typical human crap.

[godcomplexed]

It is complete brilliance.

If this were a proper film, the girl would really be an alien and they'd be off on a high speed chase after her. Not all of this weird... romance... kissy... killing... stuff.

[crusthatecean]

You have no taste. Sorry you'd prefer something dumb and loud because your sponge is like a stupid vegetable that only responds to the most basic stimuli. Sorry emotion and complicated romantic entanglements are too subtle for you to grasp because you're entertained by the same things a retarded barkbeast would be, noises and clumsily signal communicated plot contrivances and assholes with no discernible personality traits you're supposed to care about because they are the best at culling and drive really fast.

[godcomplexed]

[Oh, Karkat is ranting again.

The Doctor quickly learned to tune those out.

He rolls his eyes and blows his nose again.]

Absolutely.

[crusthatecean]

[He's obviously not listening which just kind of kills all his rant momentum, thanks. He just sort of growls at him.]

Whatever, at least you know.

[And presses play on the movie.]

[godcomplexed]

...

...

So are these films for girls on your planet? Because on Earth, I'm quite certain girls are the ones watching them. I've watched them before with my friends, and it always involved a lot of cooing and sort of... stunted crying.

[crusthatecean]

No!

[Yes.]

Why should they be for girls? What, girls are the only ones who care about rom? That's exactly why human romance is so retarded. A civilized species doesn't apply arbitrary gender classifications for no reason other than to complicate things!

[They're totally for girls, though.]

[godcomplexed]

Don't look at me. I'm not human.

And it's perfectly okay for boys to like these sort of films. Even if they're not very exciting and everyone acts rather silly.

[crusthatecean]

I know it isn't. They're not for girls, though. I just don't know what to tell you if you think in depth examination of sociologically complex stories of the cultural consequences of romantic pursuits is silly and not very exciting. Except that it makes sense that you get yourself all tangled up in stupid pointless blackroms because you're so repressed you don't realize how much you crave emotionally complex relationships.